November 19

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Personal Boundaries: How to Build and Defend Them


We lock our apartment, set the car alarm, but for some reason, we forget to protect ourselves and our inner world. Sometimes it seems that our life doesn’t belong to us because we are forced to go on the orders of someone else. Does this feel familiar? You don’t know how to mark personal boundaries. So why are you surprised when people you know give you unnecessary opinions and comments? For example, they say it’s meaningless to learn new strategies to hit a jackpot at a Vave login website, even though you enjoy it.Let’s learn together!

What Are Personal Boundaries of a Person

In simple terms, they are what we consider acceptable or unacceptable. A limit that we can tolerate or fulfill. In one way or another, these boundaries relate to other people. Why? Because our personal freedom ends where someone else’s life begins. The main problem is that we don’t know where that boundary is that we can’t go beyond. And the people around us don’t know that either, so they often intrude where they shouldn’t. This makes it painful, disturbing, and generally unbearable.

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Not everyone can draw a line that no one is allowed to cross. Because of this, the most important person in life – yourself – is harmed in an attempt to please. Have you ever said “yes” to a request you didn’t want to make? Were you afraid to say no and offend the person asking? Were you happy about it? Bet that you did not bring joy to such behavior. So it’s time to take care of yourself and set limits.

Signs of Weak Personal Boundaries

  • Inability to make decisions on your own. Always waiting for approval? Or they tell you you must marry your partner although you live great without it. Think for yourself and ask for advice after you understand the situation yourself.
  • The inability to refuse requests. This is probably the main sign. Discomfort and guilt at the word “no” are always present in the subconscious of a person with unconstructed boundaries. Often he finds himself in ridiculous situations for which he blames himself. For example, when he buys something he doesn’t need at all, or goes to the other end of town because someone asked him to. It’s worth accepting the fact that rejection is not something terrible. You don’t have to come up with a bunch of explanations for why you don’t want to do something you don’t want to do. Just say “no” without giving a reason. You have a right to do that.
  • The inability to defend your point of view. Such people choose silence not because it is gold. Quite simply they are afraid of conflicts and do not want to declare their position. The truth is good all the same for all will not work, so it is recommended to begin to declare their opinion right now.
  • Lack of energy for personal affairs. All because it is squandered on other people’s requests and conversations. And it’s taken for granted – of course, you do not say that you are not satisfied. Don’t say no to everyone, but remember about yourself.
  • Lack of desires and aspirations. If you do not understand what you want from life, you become extremely controllable and vulnerable. You have no clear goals and plans, so you are willing to carry out the plans of others.
  • It brings many problems and is costly to your health – including morale. Don’t go to extremes: too suspiciousness is also not good. But don’t forget to think critically.
  • Tolerance of disrespect for yourself. Stems from the inability to defend your opinion and build a line of defense. This is an extreme case, which, hopefully, is rare.
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How to Build and Defend Personal Boundaries at Work

Work takes up a third of our lives. Sometimes we see our colleagues more often than we see our family and friends. So it’s important to establish contact and a trusting atmosphere with them. Of course, without forgetting about yourself.

  • Sort out your priorities. Think about what you would like to change in the microclimate of the team, what kind of relationship for you would be ideal. Then think about what you’re ready to close your eyes, where you make concessions, and in what areas will remain adamant.
  • Don’t violate other people’s boundaries. Respect the opinions of others, behave with people as you would want them to behave with you.
  • Don’t start conversations about sensitive topics such as politics, religion and health. There’s a fair amount of provocation, which can lead to scandal and open hostility. And work isn’t the best place for hostilities.
  • Speak directly about your feelings. Sometimes this acts as a flick on the nose to someone who is trying to get in where he was not expected. And sometimes the person himself doesn’t realize he’s doing something wrong. In any case, you can change this, it’s enough not to flirt and say that you are not satisfied.
  • Learn to react in a neutral manner. You want to respond sharply when your boundaries are violated. But this isn’t the best tactic. It’s best to try to assert your rights, not to transfer the problem to the plane of conflict. To do this, work on a neutral facial expression and intonation, which will help you convey information to the opponent without emotion.
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How to Protect Your Personal Boundaries in a Relationship

  • You don’t have to agree to everything, even if the person you love asks. You always have the right to say a firm “no.” Say it calmly, without hysterics. Don’t dare to think that you hurt anyone by it. There should not be any feelings of guilt.
  • Stand up for your interests, don’t let them convince you that they are not important and shallow.
  • Set acceptable boundaries of communication and don’t let anyone move them. You’re not handing out the key to the apartment all around, right? So on your internal space put a code lock.
  • Analyze your desires and interests. This will help you understand how often you have to sacrifice them in favor of others, and to transcend themselves.
  • If you have a child, you have to learn to reckon with his boundaries. Don’t violate them, saying that he is small, and he doesn’t have anything of his own. He is a separate person, who deserves respect for his interests and needs. Otherwise, the child will copy your unreliable model of behavior and you yourself will suffer from it.
  • It’s better to set boundaries at the initial stage of communication. It’s easier to do this during the acquaintance, than years later. If you don’t manage to do it yourself – consult a psychologist, with his help, you will understand how to do it.
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General Guidelines for Protecting Personal Boundaries

The easiest way to protect personal boundaries is to voice them. Speak up, don’t be uncomfortable. People can’t guess what you want and what you don’t want. No one will care about your comfort. An elementary example: someone gives you a big hug and a kiss on the cheek when you meet, and someone shakes your hand discreetly. Both options are within the norm, it’s just worth mentioning. Everyone is different, and you have to accept that.

 

Remain friendly and calm. Standing up for boundaries doesn’t mean you need to start a war. Make your position known in a calm dialogue, during which you talk about your discomfort and the reasons that caused it. This will help to avoid a repeat of the situation and make your life easier.

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